Als Labour seine Mitglieder empörte

Nach der Geburt des sog. „Royal Baby“ hat der offizielle Account der Labour Party auf Facebook das Folgende geschrieben:

Congratulations to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge on the birth of their baby boy from everyone at the Labour Party.

Und, was soll man sagen: Die Labour-Mitglieder sind „not amused“, wie man so schön sagt:

Upton Sinclair Spongers and parasites the lot of em……………!!
Geraint Rennie Yet, across the country, we have women giving birth in inadequate facilities; we have an unacceptable number of children living in poverty. The real news story is not the royal birth, but the appalling levels of child poverty in the UK, and it is also the biggest scandal in the country today.
Marian Jervis Not everyone!!!
Jack Barker It’s not from everyone though is it? There are many within Labour that would prefer an elected head of state, rather than it just coming from the same aristocratic wealthy family.
John Patrick Hewitt Does the Labour Party congratulate every birth, or just the ones who are lucky enough to be born into out of date institutions?
Stephen Paul Daly Certainly NOT everyone!
Kerry Dawson „From everyone at the Labour party“ – Except me!
Philip Lynn Vive la Republic.
Andrew Breading Not everyone. Please stop using such generalisations.
Mike Homfray Not from this member – roll on the Red Republic!
Pete Bartley I am a member of the Labour Party and I DO NOT SEND MY CONGRATULATIONS
Dee Stuart A child born into privilege unlike the millions of working class kids being denied a decent standard of living by this government of the privileged..
Padraig Curran Everyone?! Are you sure?!?!
David Martin Not from Dennis Skinner it won’t be
John Bayliss Urgh, as a Labour County Councillor I really hope we can get to a state of affairs that means we elect a head of state instead of this nonsense.
Amanda James Vive la République!
Brian Banawich vomits
Harriet Jones I’ve been feeling sick all day
Andy Wilson Another royal mouth for the taxpayer to feed
Mat Wray A true socialist party would never post such dribble.
Paul Embery Not from this member of the Labour party.
Lucinda Joan As a labour party member please do not speak on my behalf. It’s a baby … women give birth everyday we are all unique and so are our children. Shame that child sexual exploitation, poverty and violence do not get the same attention!
Terry Walker another royal mouth to feed with a golden spoon at tax payers expence
Sandra Barr Not me ! I’m a republican !
Sean Matthews Nor for me. Please don’t use such a sweeping statement.
Tony Pillz 10 Quid on the name Mohammed
Ewan Gibbs From his childhood onwards this boy will be surrounded by sycophants and flatterers. In due course, following the precedent which has already been set, he will be sent on a tour of the world and probably rumors of a morganatic marriage alliance will follow, and the end of it will be the country will be called upon to pay the bill. – Keir Hardie in 1894.
Elaine Dean And certainly not from me. I am a republican
Simon M Foster Is this a personal statement from Ed? It’s certainly not from me….
Matthew Duffy Not from me.
David Richards if I was a member, I’d cancel my membership right now
Paul Dunhill posh bint has baby. Who cares.
Chris Carr everyone??!!
Martin Sanders Unelected sponge!!
Mike Singleton First time the party has congratulated someone for coming out of Labour
David Cain Why upset a lot of your followers with such meaningless twaddle as this. Do you expect your congrats to be screen-printed and rushed out to them on a silver platter ?
Emma Damoglou Expected better than this sycophantic shite from the Labour Party
Adam Flanders Not in my membership contributions name you don’t!
Michael Scanlan You don’t speak for this Labour Member, you chumps
Steve Voysey Really? Thought Labour Party was socialist (or at least it used to be) and all for equality.
Heiko Khoo Stop blabbing on about of this bunch of parasites as if they are „ours“. Stop paying them money. Stop housing them for nothing. No more housing benefit for their castles and palaces. No more stories about them. Let them live in peace and let us be done with feudal and medieval crap, we are not „subjects“ and serfs! They are not our betters!
Janet Harrison I really am beginning to question if I am in the right party.
Helen Rogers not from me. just another sponger to add to the real scrounging family
Lou Rossati not in my name, you bloody don’t!!!
Barbara Ynwa King about time we had some happy news for a change congrats will & kate
Antonio Barbaro What’s it got to do with the labour party? Another generation of the hereditary aristocracy raised to believe that he is better and more deserving than the rest of us. Labour should be fighting against aristocracy and the class system not congratulating it.
Hannah Slade I wish The British media had the same fervour in reporting the privatisation of our NHS &legal aid,as reporting mortality states or Royal baby!!
Luke Cantrill Not everyone. Please don’t speak for me!
Andy Gathercole You have just lost the little respect I had for the labour party with this post. What do they have in common with us? Absolutely jack is the answer. That baby has already cost the UK more than I will earn in my life time!!!

etc. pp.

Es gibt also noch etwas Hoffnung für die Labour Party … nicht viel, aber immerhin …

Who reads the papers?

Don’t tell me about the press. I know exactly who reads the papers: the Daily Mirror is read by people who think they run the country; The Guardian is read by people who think they ought to run the country; The Times is read by people who actually do run the country; the Daily Mail is read by the wives of the people who run the country; the Financial Times is read by people who own the country; The Morning Star is read by people who think the country ought to be run by another country; and The Daily Telegraph is read by people who think it is.

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

President George W. Bush toasts Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II of the United Kingdom following welcoming remarks, during the State Dinner in her honor at the White House.

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up ‚revocation‘ in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. The letter ‚U‘ will be reinstated in words such as ‚colour,‘ ‚favour,‘ ‚labour‘ and ’neighbour.‘ Likewise, you will learn to spell ‚doughnut‘ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix ‚-ize‘ will be replaced by the suffix ‚-ise.‘ Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up ‚vocabulary‘).

2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as “like‘ and ‚you know‘ is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter ‚u“ and the elimination of ‚-ize.‘

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can’t sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you’re not ready to shoot grouse.

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth – see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one’s ears removed with a cheese grater.

11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!

PS: Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)!