Als Labour seine Mitglieder empörte

Nach der Geburt des sog. „Royal Baby” hat der offi­zi­elle Account der Labour Party auf Facebook das Folgende geschrie­ben:

Congratulations to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge on the birth of their baby boy from ever­yone at the Labour Party.

Und, was soll man sagen: Die Labour-Mitglieder sind „not amused”, wie man so schön sagt:

Upton Sinclair Spongers and para­si­tes the lot of em.….….……!!
Geraint Rennie Yet, across the country, we have women giving birth in inade­quate faci­li­ties; we have an unac­cep­ta­ble number of child­ren living in poverty. The real news story is not the royal birth, but the appal­ling levels of child poverty in the UK, and it is also the biggest scandal in the country today.
Marian Jervis Not ever­yone!!!
Jack Barker It’s not from ever­yone though is it? There are many within Labour that would prefer an elected head of state, rather than it just coming from the same aristo­cra­tic wealthy family.
John Patrick Hewitt Does the Labour Party congra­tu­late every birth, or just the ones who are lucky enough to be born into out of date insti­tu­ti­ons?
Stephen Paul Daly Certainly NOT ever­yone!
Kerry Dawson „From ever­yone at the Labour party” — Except me!
Philip Lynn Vive la Republic.
Andrew Breading Not ever­yone. Please stop using such gene­ra­li­sa­ti­ons.
Mike Homfray Not from this member — roll on the Red Republic!
Pete Bartley I am a member of the Labour Party and I DO NOT SEND MY CONGRATULATIONS
Dee Stuart A child born into privi­lege unlike the milli­ons of working class kids being denied a decent stan­dard of living by this government of the privi­le­ged..
Padraig Curran Everyone?! Are you sure?!?!
David Martin Not from Dennis Skinner it won’t be
John Bayliss Urgh, as a Labour County Councillor I really hope we can get to a state of affairs that means we elect a head of state instead of this nonsense.
Amanda James Vive la République!
Brian Banawich vomits
Harriet Jones I’ve been feeling sick all day
Andy Wilson Another royal mouth for the taxpayer to feed
Mat Wray A true socia­list party would never post such dribble.
Paul Embery Not from this member of the Labour party.
Lucinda Joan As a labour party member please do not speak on my behalf. It’s a baby … women give birth ever­y­day we are all unique and so are our child­ren. Shame that child sexual exploi­ta­tion, poverty and violence do not get the same atten­tion!
Terry Walker another royal mouth to feed with a golden spoon at tax payers expence
Sandra Barr Not me ! I’m a repu­bli­can !
Sean Matthews Nor for me. Please don’t use such a swee­ping state­ment.
Tony Pillz 10 Quid on the name Mohammed
Ewan Gibbs From his child­hood onwards this boy will be surroun­ded by syco­phants and flat­te­rers. In due course, follo­wing the prece­dent which has already been set, he will be sent on a tour of the world and probably rumors of a morga­na­tic marriage alli­ance will follow, and the end of it will be the country will be called upon to pay the bill. — Keir Hardie in 1894.
Elaine Dean And certainly not from me. I am a repu­bli­can
Simon M Foster Is this a perso­nal state­ment from Ed? It’s certainly not from me.…
Matthew Duffy Not from me.
David Richards if I was a member, I’d cancel my membership right now
Paul Dunhill posh bint has baby. Who cares.
Chris Carr ever­yone??!!
Martin Sanders Unelected sponge!!
Mike Singleton First time the party has congra­tu­la­ted someone for coming out of Labour
David Cain Why upset a lot of your follo­wers with such meaningless twaddle as this. Do you expect your congrats to be screen-printed and rushed out to them on a silver platter ?
Emma Damoglou Expected better than this syco­phan­tic shite from the Labour Party
Adam Flanders Not in my membership contri­bu­ti­ons name you don’t!
Michael Scanlan You don’t speak for this Labour Member, you chumps
Steve Voysey Really? Thought Labour Party was socia­list (or at least it used to be) and all for equa­lity.
Heiko Khoo Stop blabbing on about of this bunch of para­si­tes as if they are „ours”. Stop paying them money. Stop housing them for nothing. No more housing benefit for their castles and palaces. No more stories about them. Let them live in peace and let us be done with feudal and medi­eval crap, we are not „subjects” and serfs! They are not our betters!
Janet Harrison I really am begin­ning to ques­tion if I am in the right party.
Helen Rogers not from me. just another sponger to add to the real scroun­ging family
Lou Rossati not in my name, you bloody don’t!!!
Barbara Ynwa King about time we had some happy news for a change congrats will & kate
Antonio Barbaro What’s it got to do with the labour party? Another gene­ra­tion of the hereditary aristo­cracy raised to believe that he is better and more deser­ving than the rest of us. Labour should be fighting against aristo­cracy and the class system not congra­tu­la­ting it.
Hannah Slade I wish The British media had the same fervour in reporting the priva­ti­sa­tion of our NHS &legal aid,as reporting morta­lity states or Royal baby!!
Luke Cantrill Not ever­yone. Please don’t speak for me!
Andy Gathercole You have just lost the little respect I had for the labour party with this post. What do they have in common with us? Absolutely jack is the answer. That baby has already cost the UK more than I will earn in my life time!!!

etc. pp.

Es gibt also noch etwas Hoffnung für die Labour Party … nicht viel, aber immer­hin …

Who reads the papers?

Don’t tell me about the press. I know exactly who reads the papers: the Daily Mirror is read by people who think they run the country; The Guardian is read by people who think they ought to run the country; The Times is read by people who actually do run the country; the Daily Mail is read by the wives of the people who run the country; the Financial Times is read by people who own the country; The Morning Star is read by people who think the country ought to be run by another country; and The Daily Telegraph is read by people who think it is.

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

President George W. Bush toasts Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II of the United Kingdom following welcoming remarks, during the State Dinner in her honor at the White House.

In light of your failure in recent years to nomi­nate compe­tent candi­da­tes for President of the USA and thus to govern your­sel­ves, we hereby give notice of the revo­ca­tion of your inde­pen­dence, effec­tive imme­dia­tely. (You should look up ‚revo­ca­tion’ in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchi­cal duties over all states, common­wealths, and terri­to­ries (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elec­tions.

Congress and the Senate will be disban­ded. A ques­ti­onn­aire may be circu­la­ted next year to deter­mine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the tran­si­tion to a British Crown depen­d­ency, the follo­wing rules are intro­du­ced with imme­diate effect:

1. The letter ‚U’ will be rein­sta­ted in words such as ‚colour,’ ‚favour,’ ‚labour’ and ‚neigh­bour.’ Likewise, you will learn to spell ‚dough­nut’ without skip­ping half the letters, and the suffix ‚-ize’ will be repla­ced by the suffix ‚-ise.’ Generally, you will be expec­ted to raise your voca­bu­lary to accep­ta­ble levels. (look up ‚voca­bu­lary’).

2. Using the same twenty-seven words inter­sper­sed with filler noises such as ”like’ and ‚you know’ is an unac­cep­ta­ble and inef­fi­ci­ent form of commu­ni­ca­tion. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjus­ted to take into account the rein­sta­ted letter ‚u” and the elimi­na­tion of ‚-ize.’

3. July 4th will no longer be cele­bra­ted as a holiday.

4. You will learn to resolve perso­nal issues without using guns, lawyers, or thera­pists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and thera­pists shows that you’re not quite ready to be inde­pen­dent. Guns should only be used for shoo­ting grouse. If you can’t sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a thera­pist, then you’re not ready to shoot grouse.

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dange­rous than a vege­ta­ble peeler. Although a permit will be requi­red if you wish to carry a vege­ta­ble peeler in public.

6. All inter­sec­tions will be repla­ced with round­abouts, and you will start driving on the left side with imme­diate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with imme­diate effect and without the benefit of conver­sion tables. Both round­abouts and metri­ca­tion will help you under­stand the British sense of humour.

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gaso­line) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be refer­red to as beer, and European brews of known and accep­ted proven­ance will be refer­red to as Lager. South African beer is also accep­ta­ble, as they are pound for pound the grea­test sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth — see what it did for them. American brands will be refer­red to as Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confu­sion.

10. Hollywood will be requi­red occa­sio­nally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be requi­red to cast English actors to play English charac­ters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an expe­ri­ence akin to having one’s ears removed with a cheese grater.

11. You will cease playing American foot­ball. There is only one kind of proper foot­ball; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some simi­la­ri­ties to American foot­ball, but does not involve stop­ping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

12. Further, you will stop playing base­ball. It is not reason­able to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is under­stan­d­a­ble. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deli­ve­ries.

13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.

14. An inter­nal revenue agent (i.e. tax collec­tor) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acqui­si­tion of all monies due (back­da­ted to 1776).

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus straw­ber­ries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!

PS: Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)!